adventureic | (no subject)

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if i had a nickel for every ex who hit me up today i'd be a nickel richer before i even got through my first coffee. gotta love a holiday that makes folks lonely n ~~horny~~ [...] well. y'know

~~who got the~~ congrats to whoever got the whole florist btw.

[BRIAR]

d'yall do vday [...] or like any holidays, idk shit about fae.

[WOLVES]

moon next weekend. we camping or what

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It's impossible to stop crushing on librarians. Knowledge is attractive. I'm sorry about the impersonations, though. Did you get the ones from me?

12 pink, 12 red and "The way you touched me and sculpted me just felt so good. Do it again. - the superior sandcastle"

Well I might be committing homicide soon, but what an appropriate day for blood.

No? Which ones were those.

24, Christ Byron. That's some admirer....with truly unfortunate lines.

I can put a curse on the library to make library defilers' junk fall off.

I sent you a dozen red ones before I knew what all the colours were supposed to mean.

They were just trying to be a jerk, I'm sure.

It's not even my birthday yet.

Loser. Are you saying you wouldn't give me the red ones if you'd known? You got my note?

Maybe. You seem to catch a lot of attention though, why dismiss it so easily? I mean you should, that line was terrible, but still.

I can also go with a lighter punishment for first-time offenders. Like a small shock.

I did. It was really nice, thank you. I feel bad that I didn't include a note now, but I thought you might have fun imagining some secret admirer for a few minutes before you ultimately figured it out.

Someone also pretended to be my ex. The attention I catch is teasing, that's all.

Nah, they made their choice.

You don't need to feel bad, I appreciate you sending any at all given this isn't even a day we really celebrate. I'm good on the romantic fantasies front.

Which ex?

In that case, I'll install it ASAP.

Well, it sounds like probably half this place is in love and/or lust with you, so I guess I needn't have worried. You still deserve something nice, though. Do you have plans ~~with~~ today?

Kevin. Creative writing student. Slept on an air mattress. I had extremely low standards back then.

You're one of my favourite brothers.

That's an exaggeration, though this place does seem to be supernaturally horny all the time. I feel like I should carry around a spray bottle. And no, no plans. [...] Probably best if I just keep things low key today I think.

Somehow I never heard of Kevin, and at the same time was able to picture him perfectly. We've all been there - did you tell someone else here about Kevin?

Bowen's your favourite, though. I know.

That's fair. Do you want to get dinner or something? Maybe we could check out the ROMM (Royal Ontario Museum of Magic). Or go bowling.

Stela. Who apparently also dated him. I'm assuming she's pranking me.

Bowen is not my favourite, I have no favourites ~~not like I didn't follow you t~~.

That sounds great actually, I've been thinking about suggesting a Department trip to the ROMM, it would be good to scout it out first. I'm not entirely convinced it wouldn't somehow blow up if we were all in that building.

Also? Kevin got Stela and you? Wow. I've underestimated him.

Well, you're my favourite. There, I said it.

That sounds like a great idea. We can test it out, make sure it's structurally sound before we bring the rest of the team there.

What can I say? The bar was on the ground, apparently. Also, sometimes a pathetic little man is appealing, I don't know?

I'm telling Bowen you said that.

You can buy me a beer this time too.

It's true, they really are. That's witchcraft.

Good. He should know. He killed my favourite cactus.

I'll buy you twelve.

He made me read his terrible self-insert fanfiction and I still made out with him. How do they do it?

He was experimenting, give the kid a break.

You do remember that 12 for me is a little different than 12 for you these days, right?

Fanfiction for what, exactly?

Shouldn't druids be better at not killing cactuses?

Fine. I'll get you 14 instead.

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003).

What part of him screaming "they're a desert species!" over and over again did you not understand?

It all comes out, luring me out to my death with the promise of museums and free beer.

Fuck off, he did not.

He could have at least bought me another one.

I would never. I need you here to see me win Best Hair at this year's gala.

It's a great movie but his characterizations were way off. I kept going "he would not fucking say that" and "you got all the ship terms wrong" but also I was lonely.

You asked too much of him.

Oh please, you're not even getting on the ballot.

I was going to take the piss at that, but now you pulled the 'L' card. Byron.

He could have grown me a new one for free.

Fine then, I'll just shave it all off.

I'm only human. It was a moment of weakness.

Maybe if you ask him again nicely, with less insults to his hygiene.

Byron why would you even put that out into the universe? But yes, I'll hold the clippers.

Hey, believe me. I've been there. A Let's just stick to the respectable X Files fanfic writers from now on.

It's okay. I've given up on plants. I'll never love a cactus again.

Maybe people will pay more attention to my work if they're less distracted by my best feature.

You said it. I promise.

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