(no subject)

[abracadavers]

Has anyone heard of Merlinnials (Millenials4Merlin.geocities.org)? Apparently some fuckwit charlatan claims he's Merlin reincarnated and has been performing magical "miracles" for all his followers.

The Society for Merlin reached out to me after they couldn't get a hold of [...] Bonaventure. They've asked for our help.

[Attached is a copy of a pamphlet screaming early 2000s emo/alt rock in red white and black, encouraging supernaturals and humans looking to be saved by magic to join their cult group]

[NON PROBABLY-EVIL-MANAGEMENT]

Briar and Cinder had a good thought about whether Scantlebury has been acting alone in the disappearances. It may mean nothing, but I pulled a few records from the archives and Jameson Standards, Yana Getgood, and Hippolyta Pottebaum have all been here since the first iteration. At the very least, they must know something.

[ASHER]

We shouldn't leave this unfinished business with Dorr too much longer, especially given everything that's going on.

Comments

[eldith]

Yes. They slide into my DMs once because they needed "dwarf energy".

[abracadavers]

Christ. I don't suppose you've ever taken them up on that request?

[eldith]

No. I'm not into wizard sex cults, no offense.

[abracadavers]

To be clear, we don't know if they're a sex cult. Although I did look into the next live "miracle" and it appears to be on a beach where "invisibility cloaks" will be handed out as party favours.

[eldith]

Is that when we're going? Will we have to be nude?

[abracadavers]

I think it'll be the best chance we have of accessing the bastard. And no, absolutely not.

[eldith]

Great, as long as I can be clothed I'm in.

[abracadavers]

Dress for water though. It looks like he's doing his miracle from a catamaran...sponsored by Spirit Halloween.

[eldith]

A swimsuit fits my definition of clothed so that is still ok.

[geminids]

i take back what i said. i'd actually make a great cult leader.

[abracadavers]

You'd just skip straight to nudist colony.

[geminids]

it's efficient.

[abracadavers]

Is this you admitting on record that werewolves are nudists?

[geminids]

no cause we been over this. like are all wizards control freaks or's that just a personality quirk

[abracadavers]

Wanting to ensure that things get done properly isn't a quirk, that's just good sense.

[geminids]

uh huh.

[abracadavers]

It's fine, keep your poorly hidden werewolf secrets. I know the truth.

[geminids]

didn't see this much disrespect on the weather forecast this morning.

[abracadavers]

That's because every day is April Fool's for a meteorologist.

[geminids]

are you prankin me. d'you know what a prank is or

[abracadavers]

No. You met my siblings, I'd do better than call you Tom Cruise. Please. Are you pranking me?

[geminids]

no tbh i'm just confused

[abracadavers]

So am I. Let's agree on the werewolf nudists and move on.

[geminids]

not a chance darlin, that's a grave you're diggin on your own.

i wanna go back to the nudist cult

[abracadavers]

You're not starting a nudist cult. You're definitely not joining an alleged nudist sex cult parading around as a fake magical cult.